…I’m still all alone.

WTFever!!!  I don’t deal in loneliness.  Well, I do but I refuse to this month!

So how are my folks doing out there?!? I wanted to take this time to talk to you.  You know when I read blogs, I’m always in awe of how folks are always talking about something so profound.  Something to make us think.  Something to make us laugh.

I say fuck bump that!  I’m tired of all the profound relationship advice given to me by people who are either:

1. Not in a relationship;
2. Hasn’t been in a decent committed relationship long than 6 months and or;
3. Doesn’t bother to follow their own advice.

Seriously… Here’s my issue.  I love all my peeps on twitter and Facebook otherwise I wouldn’t follow or friend them.  What I’m really intrigued about is how folks are so into the fact that what they say makes sense rather than the experience coming from it.  So you’ve been in a committed relationship.  Uhhhh Durrrrrr!  I think any decent person well into their 30s has been in at least one.  Well not all.  I got one I work with who I think stays suspect just because of his nightly ritualistic behavior that just leads me to the fact he’s the new 40-year old virgin at 38 or he’s gay for real.  That’s another story for another time.  I’m truly surprised by the fact of how many people take advice from someone who hasn’t ever been married on what we need to do to get married.  Ummm, if it didn’t work for you what makes you think it will work for me?! I’m just saying.  Yeah I’m willing to take the flack from folks who think I’m being pretty cynical here but honestly, think about it…. why would I take advice from you on a situation that you’ve never experienced?  It’s like trusting a movie critic.  Why are you writing about a movie when you should be qualified enough to be in one?  Yet,  you’re telling me I should or shouldn’t see this movie because it is your professional opinion?!  *raises hand*  Excuse me!!!  Yes, pick me. Pick me.  *lowers hand*  What exactly makes you qualified to tell me this movie is good, bad, not so great, two thumbs up?!  Is it because you’ve mastered the art of journalism and not necessarily made a movie other than a guest cameo?  I’m wondering because I have seen some excellent movies in my time some of which you’ve said sucked ass and some really downtrodden pieces of filth you’ve said is the best thing since Yoda’s broken sentences that actually make sense.

Yeah.  EXACTLY!  I’m single and I give advice based upon my personal experience.  I don’t know what the other person wants.  All I know is what I want and what the person I’m dealing with tells me they want.  Outside of that, I don’t know shit nothing.  I know what I feel and how I feel about certain things but one thing is, I refuse to follow the advice of a person who hasn’t seen the other side of marriage nor looks to be getting there anytime soon.  Call me a hater but for real… I need you to look at your life and ask yourself, “is this my hobby? Or do I truly have  reason to say what I am saying?”  Take a moment.  I’ll wait.  *looks up. pauses.  looks at watch*  Yeah you taking too long.  I’ll move on.

Next order of business.

Haters.  Haterism.  Calling folks haters. You choose your own damn descriptor but what the hell man?!

Everyone in this world who doesn’t like anything you’re doing is now being called a hater.  I’m kind of sick of how this world has evolved around hip hop and their damn euphemisms!

Yeah fool you!  Your music sucks and I don’t like it.  So I’m a hater now.  I’ll be all that with your ugly ass!  Your music sucks.  You aren’t a decent enough rapper to stay relevant.  If people were to compile a list of all-time greatest rappers… I doubt if you even make the list.  You ain’t nothing but one half them dalmatians from Brown Sugar.  Lil Wayne.  Tha Carter!  Bitch!  There’s only one Carter and he made another Carter who doesn’t even know who or what her daddy does.  You know him.  He resembles Joe Camel.  Married that Be-Yo-Niece girl.  Yeah!
That’s why you’re always coming out with an album every year.  Otherwise, you’d be a nobody if you don’t keep showing you’re ugly mug.  Truly… what has this fool above done to warrant so many people to call his music great?!  If I looked like that I’d do everything I could to keep making money.  Least you have some talent somewhere otherwise you wouldn’t have another gig to keep you fed.  Running around here looking like a tatted ewok!  Please.

Back to this entire haterism movement.  Why do we call constructive criticism “hating”?!  It’s like you can’t be told you are the weakest link anymore.  What happened to try, try again.  This society has taken everything we’ve learned as kids and made it irrelevant.  I remember being bullied all the time.  I sucked it up.  It hurt.  Oh yeah it hurt.  Believe me but it did nothing but make me want to show each and every one of those low-lifes I can be better than them without retaliating or giving them the satisfaction of knowing they beat me by killing myself.  If I can’t tell you the truth, then who the hell will, hunh?  Just because I don’t like something shouldn’t make a difference to you.  I’m hating because I don’t like something?  Please.  Give me one damn break.  I’m one voice out of how many?!  Yet, what I say is the most relevant thing.  So I guess you’re using “hating” as a way to dismiss me.

*nodding head*

Okay.  Well here’s something I bet you’ve never tried before.  I promises it works every time you use it.  It’s really simple.  Cheap.  Easy to use.  You ready?  Need to grab a pen and a piece of paper.  I’ll wait.  No I won’t because you take too damn long.

It’s called and make sure you hear me real good.  It’s called…

Ignore.

Really!  It’s that simple!  I promise you.  That’s all there is to it.  Ignore me.  Overlook me.  Disregard me.  Look at me while I’m flapping my damn lips as if I don’t have a sound coming out of my mouth! I’m Peppermint Patti’s teacher.  Voila!  People used to tell me all the time I wasn’t this and I wasn’t that.  Yes, I listened but at the same time I ignored them because WHO.  THE.  FUCK.  ARE.  YOU?!?  You don’t feed me.  You don’t pay me.  You don’t love me.  So why would anything you say to me be even remotely interesting or of consequence to me?!  I need people to think!  Stop using the word “hater”.  It’s beneath us as intellectual adults.  I have friends who will tell me the truth.  I have people who are close to me who know how to use “hater”ing and make it constructive.  They know how to criticize.  Folks who don’t have any knowledge of the art, you IGNORE them.  Don’t make them relevant!  Don’t bother to even entertain what they say.  That little fugly hobbit above can follow my advice and ignore me because he’s the one running around with all this money.  He’s doing something to help himself.

Well… that’s all I have for today.  I wanna leave you with something I found through my frat brothers.

Until next time…

Peace, Love and Soul in Kayotic Mayhem.